Values: Personal Development 101 | Main
What motivates me?
It's a fair question, and one that ought to be asked: What motivates me to write "Personal Development 101"?
I believe an individual's motives are important.
I'm not saying we should all go on a big hunt to figure out what everyone else's motives are. I rarely care what motivates other people because usually I am concerned more with their actions than their motives.
What's important is that I know what motivates me. (And I suggest it is important for you to know what motivates you.) If I am interested in living in a conscious manner rather than just plodding through this life, then my own motivations are important. Example: Let's say I've been invited to a party that will be boisterous and boozy (two things I usually prefer to avoid) and I'm deciding whether to go. I better have a reason. Is it because there might be a business opportunity there? Is it because some good friends will be there? Am I craving alcohol? Is it because my wife is going and I'd rather be with her than stay home?
If I am ignorant of my own motivations, I will be clueless what I'm doing. In order to live life to the fullest, I like to know what I'm doing. And why. If I decide to go to the party I will be the happiest guy there because I will know exactly what I'm there for. If I decide not to go, I'll be the happiest guy in the world because I'll know why I didn't go.
So, back to the question: What motivates me to write "Personal Development 101"?
#5 Money. Knowing myself as I do, I know that money is some small motivator here. I like money. And the fact is that I really have enough money already. I get a bit of a pension, I own my own business, I am a labor-management arbitrator, and I teach half time at a law school. If I can't do well on the money that's coming in from all that, then I better re-learn how to count. I will take the necessary steps to monetize the Personal Development 101 web site, without falling into any false hopes that it will ever become a significant money-maker. Although money can be a strong motivator for me, it's obvious that I could make a lot more money by devoting my time to something else.
#4 Helping others. My life is good. I feel an obligation to "give back," or an inner need to help my fellow creatures. I do my best in my other lines of work to be helpful to others, to help my customers and my students. I help my employees, and I help my employees be conscious of the need to help my customers. This is not enough for me. I am looking for a larger audience of people to whom I can be helpful, and I am looking for a way to help people in a more personal way. I've been through some "interesting times" in my life, and learned a few things, and want to pass on some of what I've learned to others.
#3 Applause. I admit that I seek applause, I like to be noticed, I like my work to produce feedback. For as far back as I can remember I was the kid who always tried to do everything "right" so I could get praise for it. As a lawyer, I loved to win so I could see the appreciation in my client's eye. I became a law professor and learned to love being on stage in front of students who really wanted to learn something. I even ran for political office a couple of times, probably thinking that the number of votes I got was some measure of what others thought of me. (I never got elected, and the world and I are both better off for that.) I went into a business that disseminates my name all over the world - in part at least for the positive feedback.
#2 Writing. After being a law professor for a lot of years, I discovered a particular kind of writing that I liked to do. I would read the most recent court decisions in my specialty (employment law), and then summarize them into a few paragraphs. As time wore on, this form of writing became more interesting than teaching. I started a business in which I did this writing and emailed it out to practicing lawyers who didn't have the time to read the court opinions themselves. And then I gave up my law teaching job (one of the best jobs in the world) to attend to the business full time. Employees now do most of the writing, although I maintain a couple of professional blogs. I'm ready to write something else, and personal development is where I'm going.
#1 Helping myself. I saved the best for last. The best ways to learn about a subject are to teach the subject and to write about the subject. That is what I believe, based on my experience. So, the primary motivation I have for launching and writing "Personal Development 101" is to enhance my own personal development. I hope you will follow the journey, and learn a little bit with me along the way.
Values: Why have them?
Just about every self-help advisor is going to tell you that you should sit down and make a list of your goals. They also will tell you that you should make a list of your values.
What really is the point of identifying your values? Is it necessary? Is it helpful?
You could just trust me on this, but here are a few reasons:
Congruence with goals. Life is just a whole lot better if your goals line up with your values. In fact, the best goals are the ones that line up perfectly with your values.
For example, let's say one of your goals is to save up enough money for a down payment on a new SUV, and you're still a couple months away from meeting that goal. Then let's say one of your values is to be environmentally friendly. Right away, you can see that there is a conflict between the value and the goal. Your brain sees that conflict. Your heart feels that conflict. Every cell in your body is aware of the conflict. There are three likely results: (1) You are less likely to reach the goal. (2) Working toward the goal will not be filled with joy. (3) Once you attain the goal, you're not going to feel really good about it.
More attainable goals. The whole idea of having goals is that you will work toward them and eventually attain them. You want to actually reach the goals. (Having goals that are not capable of being reached is a bad idea.) If your brain and heart are aware that getting to the goal is inconsistent with your values, then neither your brain nor your heart is going to be working hard to get to the goal. The more your goals are inconsistent with your values, the less likely it is that your will reach your goals.
Heart and mind united. It is often the case that we use our brains to set our goals. We get out that piece of paper and carefully write down our goals, our objectives, and our time-lines. That's the work of our brains. Meanwhile, our hearts have values. If our brain's goals are not lined up with our heart's values, then the sparks start flying. We are human beings, and our hearts and minds were designed to work together, not to be pulling against each other.
Focus. A big reason to have goals is to increase your focus. Instead of spending time and energy on a whole lot of things that are not important, having goals helps ensure that your time and energy are devoted to your goals. If your goals don't match your values, then you will be constantly distracted away from the goals. Something in your subconscious will be aware of the goal-value conflict, and will undermine your efforts to reach your goals.
More joy. When you set a goal, you usually assume that there will be great joy when you finally attain that goal. That's exactly the way it should be. "Yippee, I reached my goal." However, if the goal doesn't match up with your underlying values, there won't be as much joy. Sure, you'll have a sense of satisfaction. But there will not be that big kick, that surge of happiness.
Prioritize your time. Goal-setting is helpful when it comes to deciding what to do with your time. Your time ought to be spent working toward your goals. When one of your goals is out-of-line with your values, there will be a tendency to allocate your time so that the goal doesn't get the time it needs. Again, your subconscious will find a way to undermine any goal that does not match your values.
Making decisions. How do you make a decision when there are two things you want to do, but you can do only one? For example, you want to attend a meeting where you can meet a new business customer and you want to be at an event honoring one of your employees for her civic work. This will be an easy decision if your values are clear, and if the priority of your values are clear.
If drumming up new business is a higher value than taking care of employees, then you'll go meet the new customer. If taking care of employees is a higher value than business-getting, then you'll go to the employee's event.
If you never thought through these values, or never put your values in priority order, this is a tough decision. If you worked through your values in advance, then this decision is easy to make.
Goals based on values
Personal development is all about making changes, and almost all advisors will tell you that in order to change you will have to identify some goals and objectives.
It's pretty tempting to set goals by sitting down and writing out a list of stuff you want to have or things you want to do. For example: Get a new SUV by the end of the year; spend two weeks in Europe next year; save enough for a down payment on a new house.
I'm not going to say those goals aren't any good. Maybe they're just right. The point is that I don't know whether they come from your values rather than from TV commercials that keep saying you should acquire more stuff and do more things.
I believe that a person's goals must reflect that person's values. A better way to say it is that your goals must reflect your values. We're talking here about your own values, and not the values of your friends, parents, neighbors, or anyone else.
So, goal-setting has to start with making an inventory of your values.
What are the real, bottom-line things that make up your set of values? Maybe they are protecting your family, following your religion's tenets, preserving the environment, eating healthy food, having compassion for other creatures, having a steady income.
I can't tell you what your values are. Nobody else can tell you what your values are. They are your values, and you are the only one who knows what they are.
Your values may change as time goes by. That's OK. The important thing is to identify what your values are right now.
For example, here are some of mine right now: being sober, increasing my conscious contact with God, taking care of business matters, taking care of myself (physically, mentally, spiritually), taking care of my family.
Once you know your values, you can then start making some goals and objectives.
How about you?
- Do you know what your own values are?
- Can you make a list of them?
- Can you think of one thing from one category that you can change for one week?
Ross Runkel, Post Office Box 1031, Salem, Oregon
97308-1031.
Phone 503-399-8028. Fax 503-566-8844. email Ross@LawMemo.Com
