What's happening in these cases is that someone has decided that it's the other person's job to do the forgiving. Exactly backwards of the way it should be.

Forgiveness is something that is my job. Something that I do. I do it because it cleans up my side of the street. It is something I have, and that I can give.

If I believe that someone else is supposed to forgive me, or if I beg someone else for their forgiveness, then I have turned everything over to that other person. Things will not be right until the other person does something. If the other person does not forgive, then the problem between us goes on and on.

My job is to take control of what I have control over. That would be me, not someone else. I have no control over others. I have control over myself alone. So if there is going to be any forgiving going on, then I am the one who has to do it. If the other person wants to forgive also, that's fine, but it's not my job to bring that about.

And I must be generous in my forgiving, without waiting for anyone else to ask.

Prayer: Grant me the strength to forgive others, freely and joyfully.

Affirmation: I am a forgiving person.

Peace for me today means inner peace, peace within myself.

It is impossible for me to cause other people to be peaceful. The only person over whom I have any control is myself. Therefore, if I want peace in the world I must first find peace within my self.

If I am peaceful as I walk through my day, then I will contribute some peace to the world. Perhaps others will notice and will themselves become more peaceful. Sometimes these things are like dropping a rock into a lake and creating ripples that go all the way to the edge. And if not, that is OK because my ultimate goal is to have peace within myself.

To become peaceful I will re-examine whether I have any resentments against any other person, and I will rid myself of those resentments. I will forgive anyone who has slighted me, without seeking forgiveness from anyone. I will make amends to anyone I have injured without seeking to have them make amends to me. I will see all other people as children of God. I will love others as I love myself. In this way I will gain peace.

Prayer: Let your peace flow into my heart, and into every cell in my body.

Affirmation: Today I am at peace with myself, and with every other person and thing in the world.

Georgia O'Keeffe said:

Nobody sees a flower, really, it is so small. We haven't time - and to see takes time - like to have a friend takes time.

These are powerful words.

For some time I have been increasing my consciousness of the details around me - the small things that we totally overlook as we scurry from here to there.

So this is not so much a sudden change for me. It is more of a rededication and a refocus on the often unseen world around me.

The opportunities are endless. Georgia O'Keeffe (famous for her paintings of flowers) talked about flowers. There are leaves, bugs, paintings, fabrics, children, buildings.

The point is to take one of these things, and then take the time to see it. Just sit and see it.

The wonders of the universe often are found in the smallest things, if only I will take the time to see them.

What about you?

Can you take the time to see - really see - one small thing? Sure you can. Try it. You'll like it.

I really like the change I'm working on this week. Every time I see a person, I look carefully to see something good - something I like.

This is not the same as saying "Gee, everybody's really a good person."

It means that I consciously select one quite specific thing about the person that I like. Maybe it's a shirt or other article of clothing, the way they wear their hair, a smile, something they say, something they do.

The point is that it has to be one tangible and specific thing.

So what?

It changes the way I look at people. They become less abstract, and more real. I see each person more as a unique individual rather than just another nice person.

Sometimes I take it one step further, and tell the person what it is I like. This has amazing results. It's not sappy and insincere flattery. It is a heart-felt compliment. And because it is absolutely true, the person knows it is a sincere compliment.

Everybody feels better.

What about you?

Can you pause with each person you meet and identify one good thing that stands out? Sure you can. Try it. You'll like it.

The worst thing about being self-employed is that nobody tells me what I have to be doing from one hour to the next.

I relish the freedom that comes from being self-employed. I can make decisions quickly without getting someone else's approval. I can try out a new idea today, instead of waiting until the "right" time. I can do things that "just aren't done."

One of the most difficult parts for me has been to discipline myself to make effective use of my time. I have that entrepreneurial spirit that wants to try a lot of new ideas, with the result that sometimes I just bounce from one thing to another. Because nobody is telling me what to do and when to do it, I can become horribly inefficient.

The solution is simple. You know what it is, so you can stop reading right now.

I plan out my day, hour by hour. And I plan out each day of the week, hour by hour. This is written down, so it is visible and tangible.

The added twist for me is to plan out each day as "My perfect day."

Instead of waiting until some vague time in the future to have a perfect day, I want my perfect day to be today - this day.

Therefore, in my perfect day there are always things that I really like to do. (That's fairly easy for me because I don't always see a clear line between "work" and "play.") No day should ever be a day filled with unpleasant tasks. Every day should be a perfect day, and that is exactly how I will plan each day.

What about you?

• Have you considered what your perfect day looks like?
• Have you written down, in narrative form, your perfect day?
• Have you built an hourly schedule for one such perfect day?
• Have you followed through by actually following that schedule?

One good way for us to figure out what we want and where we're going is to sit down and write out what our perfect day looks like.

MY first brush with this idea came from Barbara Sher's book Wishcraft: How to Get What You Really Want. Her idea is simple, and I like simple ideas. Just write down what you will be doing in your perfect day. Use the present tense, as if that day had already arrived for you.

So here goes. My perfect day:

I get up at 6:30 and go on a short walk in the park with our gorgeous and mellow dog Polo. Upon returning, I give him breakfast and clean water. The hot water is ready for my first cup of coffee.

I open the computer and telecommute into my office. Anything needing immediate attention gets done, and everything else will wait. I scan through my news aggregator, looking especially for items dealing with employment law. I pick out some topics for blogging.

At 8:00 Polo and I drive 6-7 miles to a no-leash dog park, thoughtfully provided by the City. Here I join a small group of regular dog-walkers and we hike around the people path while the dogs have their fun. The topics of conversation involve dogs, family life, internal struggles. We avoid topics that involve the external world of politics, business, and war. It is a refreshing connection to real people of all stripes. (Half the time my wife does the dog walk, so I have discretionary time for sleeping in or whatever I want.)

Back home, I shower and get dressed. I dress well; nothing sloppy; usually casual slacks and French cuff shirt. I catch a small breakfast, some supplements, and do my stretching exercises. It's about 10:00 when I get my second cup of coffee.

I write. Almost all of my writing is for publication. I have five blogs connected to my business, plus this one. I also serve as an arbitrator, and that requires the writing of opinions. Now and then there is a poem (not for publication). The writing is "scheduled" for two hours. It can be shorter, and on many days it can be longer.

The noon hour is open for whatever random spur-of-the-moment thing I want to do. On some days this will be lunch with my favorite person in the whole world, who just happens to be the woman I married.

From 1:00 to 4:00 there is real work to be done. On Monday, Wednesday, Friday I attend to my law school class. On Tuesday and Thursday I attend to my business.

The end of the day depends upon whether I am on parent duty. If so, then I prepare an original and elegant supper, do the clean-up, and settle down with a good book. If I'm not on parent duty, I can hang around and chat with that woman I told you about, have an elegant supper that she prepared, and curl up with a good book. About once a week, there will be a good movie.

The exercise discussed by Barbara Sher is designed to get us to imagine our perfect day ... somewhere in the future. I can't wait that long. I've decided to start my perfect days today.

All of my life there has been war going on somewhere.

As a child growing up in San Francisco during World War II, there was a fear that Japan would bomb the city. Every night my job was to pull down a set of special blackout curtains that kept the light inside the house from getting out. That way, the airplanes had a less visible target. Jeeps patrolled the city to make sure this was done. Relatives went off to this war.

I knew people who went off to the Korean War (euphemistically given the Orwellian term "police action"), and to the Viet Nam War (called a "conflict"), and did not come back, or came back carrying shrapnel in their bodies.

I have stood at the Viet Nam Memorial alone at dawn, weeping.

War seems to be a popular activity these days, and I am against it.

For me, my personal change is to pray for peace.

In my belief system this will not result in a sudden divine intervention. What it will do is make me a more peaceful person. It all starts here, with me. And with you. If we are all peaceful in our daily activities, at home, at work, everywhere, then there will be more peace in the world. If we all do it, there will be peace everywhere.

Join in. Pray for peace.

As part of Darren Rowse's problogger Group Writing Project, I'm going public with my 6 goals for my 6 blogs:

1. One-a-Day. On each blog I will write one post per day. For some of the blogs that will be fairly easy. For others it will take some serious additional time.
2. Attention-grabbing Titles. Titles take time and attention if they are going to do their three jobs: Describe the content, appeal to search engines, appeal to readers.
3. Plain English. A lot of what I write in my employment law blogs can be somewhat technical. Frankly, I want it to be useful to lawyers who are experts in employment law. At the same time, I can write in such a way that it will all make sense to someone who has not been to law school.
4. More Opinions. It's taken me a while to get comfortable when I go beyond describing, and launch into my own personal opinion. Hey, I'm an expert, so I owe it to my readers to say what I think.
5. Enhance the total web site. Some of my blogs are not stand-alone blogs. They are part of a larger web site. I will continue to add content and make the whole site more useful.
6. Double earnings. Financially, I should be able to double my earnings within 10 months. This is partly from Google AdSense. It's largely subscriptions to the World's best employment law information service: Employment Law Memo.

My other blogs:

• Ross' Employment Law Blog - the latest stuff on the law of employment, labor, and the workplace.
• Ross' Arbitration Blog - employment arbitration and labor arbitration.
• Ross' Employment Law Reviews - books, article, courses dealing with employment law.
• Employment Law 101 - continuing series of lessons on all aspects of employment law.
• Work Law Blogs - notable items from other blogs dealing with employment law.

OK, I'm having a birthday.

A good time to sit back and think about what I want to do when I grow up.

In the recent past, my work has involved three main things: running a small business, teaching law, and being an arbitrator. These are all highly satisfactory things. They are interesting, and they pay the bills.

More and more I have been moving in the direction of doing more writing. To a large extent, the writing has taken the form of blogs - 5 that have to do with labor and employment law, and this one, Personal Development 101.

As I look at my immediate future (about a six month range), I see writing being the main thing I do. The blogs provide an endless outlet for writing. Arbitrating requires a fair amount of writing. And then there is always the occasional poem and perhaps even a book.

The real point is that in order to spend more time writing, there is a need to cut back on something else. This will result in less time spent on my business. Thankfully, I have employees who can keep things going without any help from me.

So, the change for this week, and for the next half year: Write more.

Have you ever wondered what you might have that would make the world a better place?

Have you wondered what you could give away and still keep?

A smile. A smile for everyone.

This week I will smile at every single person I see. People I actually meet, of course. Also people whose paths I cross on the sidewalk. People who work behind the counter at the store. People who are begging. People who are like me. People who are different from me. Everyone.

The magic of smiling is that it will not cost me anything, it will make some people feel better, and it surely will make me feel better.

This is an easy way to spread little bit of cheer into the world.

It's been 21 years since I figured out I was an alcoholic and stopped drinking.

It wasn't easy. Without AA, it probably would not have happened.

In my early days of sobriety I went to meetings every day. Then, as time wore on, twice a week. Then weekly. And lately, there has been no regular pattern.

It is a dangerous thing for this alcoholic to go to meetings "only when I need to." That's because I'm always the last person to figure out that I need to.

The answer is quite simple: Weekly meetings.

The change for this week (and the following weeks) is to go to one meeting a week.

I already feel better.

As the road trip to the Grand Canyon progressed, it became obvious that we didn't really know the best way to get there.

Yes, we knew the fastest way. That's easy. Stick to the Interstate.

We didn't know the best way.

We stopped in Crescent City, California. Went into the Post Office. The guy behind the counter was friendly man who was a motorcycle rider. (By the way, I like friendly guys and motorcycle riders; they often go together.)

He suggested a route that we had not even though of. On blind faith, we went exactly the way he suggested. We saw some of the most gorgeous scenery that this country has to offer.

Later, we were in a restaurant telling the waitress about where we planned to stop for the night. She was kind enough to set us straight by suggesting something else. We took her advice.

What's this got to do with angels?

My wife, who is wiser than I, began referring to these guides as angels.

We let these angels guide us.

Along the way, we found more angels that guided us to more great places and scenic routes.

So now I am more open to following the advice of others - other people that I really don't even know. They are the angels.

The whole reason for spending all of last week on one big project (grading exams) was to prepare for a road trip.

One of my personal flaws is that I tend to spend every day doing some kind of work. It's either work that actually counts as work (that is, it makes money), or it's work such as paying bills, doing taxes, and stuff around the house.

It's often hard for me to just kick back and do nothing.

This week, I'm going on a road trip. It will be me, the love of my life (that is, my wife), and my almost-teen-age daughter.

To the Grand Canyon. That's about 1300 miles, one way, if you go straight to it. About 20 hours in the car, assuming no detours.

We'll be taking lots of detours. The first will be to plow through the redwood forests of southern Oregon and northern California. After that, who knows?

On this trip there will be no phones or faxes.

All play. A change I'm looking forward to.

I recently talked about the fact that I've started doing work in one-hour batches - Week 12 - One hour projects. The one-hour project technique has been working well, even though I have to admit that I have not totally moved to that method. It's a work in progress, and I'm making progress.

This week is an example of the need to make a major (and temporary) shift.

The reason is simple. I have one huge project that I want to finish in one week. After that week is over, I'm going on a two-week road trip. There is no way that I want that project - or any part of it - waiting for me when I get back.

One of my occupations is that I am a part-time law teacher. I teach Contracts to first-year law students at Willamette University. They took their final examination last Friday. All 75 of them.

Grading final exams is the perfect candidate for spending full time working on a single project. One of the important goals in grading is to be consistent. I always worry that if I spread out the grading project over a few weeks, then there is a far greater likelihood of being inconsistent.

So, the plan is to work solely on grading exams for one week. (I say "solely," knowing that it is inevitable that there will be a few "must do" things that will pop up.) Wish me well. Wish my students well.

One of the great lessons in life is to learn to become unattached.

Become unattached to people, places, and things. Unattached to outcomes.

The essential problem is that we humans get all bound up in situations that are not to our liking. Examples are not hard to find. We get attached to what the politicians are saying and doing (or not saying or not doing), certain irritating habits that our loved ones display, things that we have to do at work to keep the boss happy.

We don't like these things. We want these things (or people) to change. And then we get attached to them. We try our best to get these people and things to change.

Hoping or trying to get someone else to change is a huge waste of effort, and the source of a great deal of personal dissatisfaction.

Truth is, we can change ourselves, and we can't change anything or anybody else.

My example for this week is my daughter, who is 12, and who thoroughly enjoys pointing out how Daddy is wrong.

I've wasted a good deal of effort trying to get her to stop doing this.

The solution: I have to let go of it.

It's really so simple. I simply let go of the fact that my daughter likes to point out how wrong I am.

Immediately, two amazingly wonderful things happen: (1) She and I do not get tangled up in the "yes it is, no it isn't" battles. (2) The behavior that used to drive me nuts no longer does.

I let go. My life gets better. (Hers does too.)

What about you?

Can you find one thing in your life that is making you miserable, and just let go of it? Sure you can. Now, go out and do it.